Hi....

well, I'm not pregnant :(

took a test...negative.

still no period, but whatever.

day 40 of my cycle I took it, which was.....wed?

oh well....no worries.

I am just disappointed I didn't the due date of my dad's birthday

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Hi!!!

Paul is down for his morning nap, so I have been able to get some things done, which is always nice. I am going to be sad when the day comes that he no longer needs to nap!

I am still at my mom's. BUT I have Paul which is nice. Chris wanted an extra night to spend with Jonathan, so I thought that was really nice, but I wanted Paul. We did the exchange last night and Paul has been here ever since. He had trouble sleeping last night A: because he was excited to see the dogs, and B: He was afraid that I wasn't going to be there when he got up. lol He did sleep all night though, once he got to sleep.

This morning, Lisa, Paul and I went to Timmy's for a coffee, then hung out around here till Lisa had to work. I've been busy packing and things to go home. I am leaving after Paul's lunch. Which probably will be soonish. I'm not ready to go home...but yet I am at the same time, for Paul's sake. He hasn't been home since Sat morning, so it's been a long time, and with him switching back and forth between all the grandparents and things, has been difficult.

AT least Chris is off this week, and we will have all evening tonight to hang out and all day tomorrow to do stuff, just the three of us.

OH>>>on another note, Lisa and I were chatting about how having another child will impact on my life...and I have to say, I am once again SCARED. Not so sure if I can do it....without it hurting my relationship with my babes, Mr. Paul. Time management...that's going to be HUGE this time around when it happens that I have another one of course! lol

Anyways, I have to run....laundry should be done...and then I am back to Packing! Then lunch...mmmmmmm

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Hi.

My hubby and I have a 14 month old little boy and we are currently ttc baby number 2. I took me two years before we had our first child, so I anticipate it taking awhile to have this one. However, I just wanted to say something that gave me total chills the other day.

a bit of a backstory:

My father passed away in Nov. of 2004. It was Jan 2005 when we decided to start ttc our first child. My dad and I were never super duper close but I really miss him.

Anyways, so when we got pregnant with my son, we went back and forth on names so much it was stupid. We did finally settle on naming our son, after my father, Paul. The neat thing was when we decided, I walked into a convinence store and the song "Dance with My Father" by Luthur Vandross was playing when I walked in (and that was the song played at my dad's funeral) and I thought that was a sign my dad approved of the name. Then when I came home, I was typing an email to my family about the name choice and as I got to the part about the actual name, the song, "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw so I felt that was confirmation even more.

SO back to the present time. My son's name is Paul after my dad. Then a few days ago, for kicks, I went onto babycenter.com to see what my due date would be IF I had actually concieved this cycle (because a few weeks ago my hubby made the comment, "do you know if we actually concieve this month the baby would be born in April"). I never thought much about it. So I looked on the website and the date would be April 11th. That's my dad's birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just stared at that date for I don't know how long and had major chills.

I just thought it would be so cool to have that connection between both my children...like even though my dad has passed away, he is still apart of something with my children. Paul named after him and baby 2 having a due date of his birthday.

I'm going to be so disappointed if it didn't work this cycle....which is funny b/c my hubby is way more excited about me getting pregnant now than I am for some reason...but when I saw that date..well...I really want it.

thanks for listening to my story.

Hi.

So, I am going to take Paul for bloodwork today. I am giving it another whirl. I am going to go when he gets up from his nap and has his lunch. Please, everyone, keep ur fingers crossed it works this time. I don't want to have to go back again to try. It's going to be tramatic. I need a drink. lol I'm not much of a drinker at all, but for this, I could totally use one when I get home tonight. Damn to hell the liquor stores who took away my strawberry swirls. damn them! lol

On other news, my job search continues. I found a really cool position thru FACS that is hiring. It's part time, but I may be able to keep both jobs for awhile. IT would get my foot into the door there at least. I have the education and all the requirements. I sent them my resume,but they couldn't open it, so I am trying to figure out a way to get it to them. (my printer is dead). If I got that job, I would probably have to keep my current job, but any little bit would help us I think.

So...I have been thinking. I think I want more than 2 children. Am I crazy? Maybe. I have no idea how to even broach the subject with Chris. I kinda want 4. (I definately want an even number). I just can't imagine that once I have baby number 2, that that will be it for us...no more of our own babies around. It might be a good thing, and we might still settle with two babies. And I am not getting any younger here...and staying pregnant seems difficult for me...so two might have to do. But I want a big family. I want my kids to have each other to play with and drive crazy. But the world isn't made for more than 2 children and 2 adults. I dunno. I kinda want Paul and number 2 close together. Then when number 2 is around 3 years old, try for number 3, and have number 3 and number 4 close in age. But I want to be done having kids by the time I am 35. I'm 28.5 now, so that might be difficult.

I don't want to have 3 either. I am one of three. I am the oldest of 3. There was always someone left out when there are 3 kids. So having a 4th makes sense. If I have three then I have to have 4.

Chris only wants to have two children. He's going to be 30 in September. He doesnt' want to be too old when we are done raising them all.

Any thoughts, or ideas?

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Hi.

I still have no answers. This sucks. lol However, on a good note, I contacted my friend, S, who does tarot readings. She's really good, and I haven't seen her in a long time. She's going to do a reading for me on Monday. I'm excited about it. Even if I don't get anything out of the reading itself, it will still be nice to see her, and to catch up. Plus, it couldn't hurt...I might get some eye sight in what to do.

Last night, Chris and I went to petsmart to get the cats some food b/c they were starving, and we ran out of food that morning. After we left, we went to see my co-worker, B, so Chris could say bye to her. She's been very good to the both of us and I like her a lot. She's going to really be missed. It hasn't even sunk in yet that she's leaving after today.

Anyways, she, Chris and I went outside to talk for awhile b/c the clients haven't been told that she's leaving yet. She told me that she'd talked to TR and found out that the ppl who were behind the whole thing with my work was RTS. Figures. I kinda knew that anyways. She wants me to write a letter requesting a transfer and send a copy to my superviser, the executive directer and TR. I told her that I didn't think it would help and that I wanted to just leave and find something else. Of course Chris put his two cents worth in and said his bit about the money. B actually sided with him! The nerve :P She thinks that the transfer would work. I don't...but I have thought about it, and it's worth a shot. I don't have any job prospects at the present time, so might as well try. She also thinks I should hold off on TTC2 for another 6 months b/c of how stressed I am.

I dunno. I'm lost.

Thanks for listening.

Hi.

Here is what I am wondering out loud. Should I look for a job now, and hope for the best, OR should I just stick this job out until I get pregnant and go on maternity leave, adn then when I am off, find something different?

I'm not sure what is the best course of action. I mean, if I got pregnant soon-ish then I would for sure just stick it out, but what if it takes me another 2 years to get pregnant and 9 months to bake? That's another almost 3 more years at this agency, in this position, with these hours. I'm honestly not sure I can do that.

People around my work who I am closest too, think I should just stick it out till I go on mat leave. They all think it won't take me near as long to get pregnant as it did the first time, but only time will tell with that. I'm not holding my breath. I mean, in an ideal world, I would love to find out I am pregnant near the end of the year (oct-Dec) to give myself some time, and to not be 9 months pregnant in the heat of the summer. but who knows? I could get pregnant next month, or two years from now. who knows?

Although, as a side note, I have to say that this time around, I really don't have a whole lot of time to concentrate and think about wanting to get pregnant. It's nice. I know it will happen some time. I have other things to worry about, like work and raising Paul for example. It's definatley different, and nice that it's not all I talk about to other ppl. I've mentioned that we're trying and that I am sure we will have a girl, but other than that, I don't talk about it.

However, Chris must be excited. He told Jonathan and Dan, under the condition they didn't breate a word to Chris' mom or sister, that we were in the process of ttc2. He never mentioned to anyone when we were trying for Paul until after we found out we were pregnant the first time. So, I think he must be excited about it or something! lol Chris is a critter.

On a side note, Paul found my materna vitamins, and he actually got the child resistant cap off the pills and dumped the pills on the floor. Fun times! I have to start watching where I put stuff now..haha.

Anyways, I am not sure what to do. I know another job will mean a cut in pay. I can't count on Chris actually finding another job b/c he won't it seems. He doesn't want me to change jobs b/c he is afraid of change and likes that I made such good money. I just want to do the right thing, but I can tell u this...I can't do this job much longer. I really can't.

Thank u for listening.

"You never have to share the love that you have for your first child with your second child because God sends each baby with their own unique spirit and love to go with it. Love is not a pie that has to be divided, it is two bunnies, Let them be and you will have more than you ever dreamed of."

I saw that and it just gave me goose bumps, so I just had to steal it.

Motherhood just rocks the socks! There is nothing like it in the world. I love being a Mom. It's the best job in the world and I wouldn't trade it for all the sleep in, quiet moments that I had before I had my baby. There is nothing like being a mom and I am so thankful I am privelidged enough to be apart of this wonderful time. I'm so glad Paul made me a mommy.

Hi!

Okay...this is officially day THREE of me feeling nausous :( It needs to end N.O.W. *shakes fist* On other news, Chris woke me up at 6:15am this morning. We never did go back to sleep. Stupid sun. Paul even slept longer than us...piff. Plus, we were still up at midnight b/c I couldn't sleep, and Chris kept talking to me. I don't mind that much :P

So, being that we were up and not sleeping, we were discussing a variety of subjects, one of which is ttc for number 2. We decided..not ME...WE..decided that as soon as this pack is done, that I just won't go back on the pill. Chris said, "whats one more month anyways?" So, as of this saturday. It will be my last pill. *EEEKKKK* lol. I'm kinda excited about it :P I am not even really sure HOW it happened...how we decided it...but I guess it was that Chris asked me how many packs I had left and I told him one. (of BCP) and he said he'd thought I was done after this one I am on now...and I said no. He seemed a bit disappointed, so I asked if he wanted me to stop after this month, because it didn't really matter to me, or go one more, (thus his above comment) and we are just going to give it a whirl. (on the condition that I will still have sex with him for the rest of his life, and not stop after we have our second baby).

This might be my last entry before I get back from our long weekend. I'm very excited about our trip. We get our van tonight and it's apparently silver, for those who care, and we are taking it to Kingston tomorrow. Mom is meeting us here in the morning and we will be off. Brad has made reservations at a resturant for Sat night for our mothers day gift to mom and then Sun we are going to Karsha's parents house for dinner :) We also might go on that 1000 mile cruise on Sun if it doesn't rain. I am bringing gravol for the occasion! lol

I dyed my hair this morning so I am no longer super grey. I have the last load of laundry in the dryer. I have Chris and I basically packed and most of Paul's clothes packed. (I have a pair of his pjs in the dryer that I want to bring). I also have to pack a bottle and supper for Paul for tonight on his way to pick up our new vehicle. Lots of things going on!!!

I have dishes to do and I have to water the cats today as well. All before 1pm. (Chris gets off at 1pm and then we are heading to my work to drop me off).

Anyways, I am going to run...I'm SOOOO hungry. Gotta find some breakfast! Leave a note

HIIIIIII

I'm in another wonderful mood today once again! I love the sunshine.

Yesterday Paul and I had a wonderful day. We went for an hour long stroller ride and we went to the park. He had a great time. We played and just generally had a good time. His milk vs formula thing is going well. We have decreased his formula down 100mls, so we are obviously filling the last 100mls with milk. Warming it up helps.

Today, Chris will be working late again. So, Paul and I will venture to the grocery store via stroller ride to get some milk and something for dinner tonight. Other than that, we probably will just do the usual chilling.

Next Wednesday I am hoping its a nice day. Paul and I are going to my mom's. I am dropping Paul off from then till Sat or Sun when they bring Paul home. It's so nice of Lisa and mom to bail us out when we were sitter less. At least it is only one week that Chris has to work the full week which conflicts with my work schedual, so it's not bad, but I am going to miss my babes. It will be the longest he's ever been away from me. But it will be fun too. I will get a bit of a break AND Paul gets to spend some quality 1-1 time with his aunt and Grandma.

On other news, I get my stupid period tomorrow :( ack. But then I only have TWO more cycles to go before we start TTC!!! hehe. I figure it will take us awhile to actually concieve, so we will have fun trying!

Anyways, I have to run...Mr Babes, aka Paul, is going to be up soon and mama needs some lunch!

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